Family Part 1

I don't know how many parts of this blog named family there will be but more than one. This I know. Tonight I want to talk about on aspect. I have my parents and sister, my grandparents aunts and uncles, my cousins, my family extended beyond that and I have MY family - those who I have chosen and adopted to be family. That family includes blood relatives and those not related to me..

I watched the Blind Side tonight with my buddy Harry. This was the first time for me to see it. Afterward we talked of family and one of my cousins had left a message on my facebook page. Age, my 18 year old cousin said "I miss you". She and I were never really close but we are family. When I go home to visit I feel I don't know her anymore. The same could be said of most of my cousins. One of them doesn't even remember me. I called back home on Christmas eve and the phone got passed around the family, my grandparents, their kids and their kids. There were 2 not there but there were about  21 people in all. One didn't know who I was. I have been gone a long time. It hurt but I understood.

My little cousins are together one of the true loves of my life. There were 4 of us to start with. We are the old ones. Then came the rest. To those that came after I was old enough to be more like uncle Johnny rather than cousin Johnny and I fit the part. During family events when the whole family would come into town we had fun. I would undoubtedly end up laying on the floor at some point watching TV and I would get attacked by about 6 kids. We would wrestle and tickle and have great fun for a good 20 or 30 min. Every time this would happen. I looked forward to it and so did they. They called it Jonathan time. Everyone else in the room would get a kick out of it for about 3 minutes then get tired of it because we were louder than the TV. There were times when a couple of the girls and one of the young boys would climb on me and sit and watch TV with me. I remember falling asleep and waking to these angels in my arms. I loved and still love those kids. That is when i knew I wanted children.

I love those kids. I am cousin Johnny and more like Uncle Johnny but I would protect them and give everything for them. I will have been gone for 5 years when I move back home and due to deployments and scheduling I have not been home for a holiday or gathering with my family the entire time. Now it seems that the kids are grown or growing up. I will never have those days again and it breaks my heart.

I think that they all know why I am gone, most of them understand and appreciate what I am doing and it is worth it. I am here for their future but I lost all of that time, little as it was, with them. I can't wait to see them all again. Somewhere in my heart, they are my kids and I love them all. Part of my family, part that I choose to be my family.