Another glorious day in Iraq has come and gone. I sat behind my desk in front of my computer and did not do what I signed up to do. Yes, I joined to serve but I joined as an infantryman and not as an analyst. I joined the infantry to be out in the field on patrol and to do what many can't or won't do. I sit at a computer every day just waiting for the day  to be done. The problem is it is kinda like the movie "Groundhog Day" with Bill Murry. I basically live the same day over and over again. I still have about 5 or so months left of this day.

Along with this day and every other like it I find ways to fill the gaps. Whether it is reading, playing video games, chatting online, or a movie I find something to do. It is not that I couldn't be busy, but busy is all I would be. Not productive, just busy. I fill the gaps of time because when those times are free so is my mind to wander. We all deal with being away from home, friends and family and though I am not married or have kids there is a struggle that we single men have and that is that we have no one or few that wait for us to call them. We check our messages on Facebook or our emails and many times find nothing. The quiet becomes even more silent and the cold, colder.

In the past, last deployment for instance, we had each others company and that was good enough but this time around it is different. In the lack of hard times and in the absence of combat we have not bonded together as we had in the past. The few who came last time or in past tours remain at least somewhat tied together but the rest tend to themselves. There is a lack of comradery that makes this tour harder. I suppose since there really is no enemy to find, fight or chase we lose focus. Training for the soldiers is conducted regularly, which in the past was unheard of because there was little to no time for training because we were on mission or had to be ready to go on mission. Now we have to train our soldiers to keep them prepared in case we meet a real threat. The lack of mission, combat soldiers deployed with no combat, gathering intelligence on enemies we won't go after and training to meet an enemy we will never face puts a weight on us that no one could have guessed. While we are not humping it hard every day, losing friends, or up for days on end, we are always ready to do what we were trained to do. Always waiting for the opportunity to do what we joined to do, to be infantry. We work with the threat always there, travel the roads waiting to get blown up while our younger soldiers are weary about using their weapons against an enemy for fear that they might get in trouble. It seems to us much of the time that one of our guys have to get shot before we can defend ourselves. Politicians and diplomats have made it almost more dangerous for us to carry weapons to defend ourselves than if we walked the streets without them. Sometimes we wonder what would happen if we did get in an engagement. Damned if we do, dead if we don't I suppose.

This mix of things along with other ingredients creates a tour that is not physically hard but it seems to suck a mans soul dry. We are all tired and unhappy. We would be happier in a cold mud puddle training in the states or over in Afghanistan. They don't need combat soldiers here. They need a security detail for those still in an advisory role. Send combat troops to combat and send the extras to help elsewhere. If one were to look at us here they would see the look of caged beasts. We are trapped here within the walls of diplomacy but we remember and dream of times when we were fighting soldiers and hope for the honor to be so again.