On this day of remembrance and gratitude I can't help but think about a line from Saving Private Ryan following the final battle just before Ton Hanks dies. He says "Earn this" to Pvt. Ryan. Ryan, as an old man wonders if he earned the gift of life that he was given. He stands in front of the cross at Arlington National Cemetery and as it pans out you can see the field filled with crosses. Each on, a man who gave his life for me. As I think of this I begin to wonder.
By the time I get out of the service I will have spent 5 years in the army 4 of which are active duty in the infantry. I will have had 2 deployments to Iraq, a total of 27 months deployed. More than half of my active duty career over seas. I have served and I am told that I did my part BUT I wonder.
Have I earned it? I have seen little and done little compared to many from the revolutionary war to today. My contribution is little compared to many who have and are serving. I am humbled by the thought that compared to the hard men who have truly fought I have done little more than go on a trip carrying a lot of gear, a weapon, and talked to a lot of people and read and wrote a lot of reports. As I think of this I feel a sense of shame that I did not do more and I did not choose to stay in to fight more, to fight in Afghanistan or some future conflict.
The vikings believed in living with courage and honor, that there was no other way to die than to die in battle. The believed that if they did not prove their courage enough in this life that they would not be honored in the afterlife. I know that this is not so. My time as a soldier bears no weight on my salvation but still I feel that I have not done enough.
Friends, family, my home town, a country that I love and call my own and my freedom are worth the cost, and sacrifice of a life of service or life given in service. I am glad and proud of my service. I didn't understand what military service meant and what my liberty meant before I joined. I knew the concept but I didn't truly understand it or know it. If I hadn't joined I would never have understood. I can't help but think how ashamed I would have felt if I understood like I do and did not serve. If I didn't earn it even after service then I really wouldn't have had I not served.
It is not for everyone to serve nor should it be. Our armed forces are made up of about 1/2 of a % of the united states population. So at most only 2% of those alive in our nation are serving or have served at some point. We have no need for more. This is not about whether others have served or not. It is about how I feel about my service. I can spend the rest of my life trying to earn what I have on this Earth and you know what I think that I would fail. The price is blood, life. A price I have not paid. But I will do my best to honor them with the life they gave.
TO OUR HONORED DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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